Chicken Lickin Knudsen

Old Knudsen is always looking out for new men to share his life for 5 or 10 minutes, don't get Old Knudsen wrong he is not a ghey cheater or a player, but if yer jar of raw liver goes off then you'd get some new fresher liver right? If the body in the garage is starting to swell up, stink and about to explode you get rid of it and go out on the prowl, right?

I don't like to restrict myself to gender even though I'm 99% a ghey, oh no, not Old Knudsen, you ask his gurlyboyfriend if Old Knudsen is a real man. I just want to see the competition, yeah that was it.

You'd think white supremacist bikers that sell drugs and rob old ladies when you see some of the guys in Knudsen's favorite bar, but as scary as they may look Old Knudsen fucks anything with a pulse as long as they have smooth hands. Old Knudsen was speaking to a woman the other day with tattoos all over her chest and neck. The woman was well spoken, polite and well educated. A shock and a change from Old Knudsen's usual Americunt encounters. Most run a mile at the first whiff of my breath.

We judge too much on looks and it is a natural thing to do. Everyone perceives Old Knudsen as a charming, ghey debonair playboy only interested in putting his willy into butch weemen below a certain age. Ok you may be correct about that but she at least has to have hairy legs, be bisexual and look ever so slightly haggard before I can defile her with my watery semen.

Mary J who? I never mentioned any names, but hey.. if my cap fits.

When you see a Neo-Nazi in a bomber jacket, skinny jeans and DM boots sporting a skin head hair cut and neck tattoos praising Hitler do not assume he is an uneducated lout about to kick yer shit in and slash you up with a craft knife. Old Knudsen has been arrested a few times for slashing in the street. Kidneys fail with age for fuck sake.

The young thug in question may have completed further education and loves his mum, the smell of lavender and wee puppies with cute pink noses. Think about that as he stomps on yer face breaking yer cheek bones and eye sockets and feel ashamed for having judged for who are you to judge? Unless you are indeed a judge, then its ok.

Old Knudsen may remind you that he is living with his gurlyboyfriend's parents in Harlem for now and boy are them brother fuckers crazy. You could forgive the genocide, discarded buckets of chicken, a collection of rusting cars on the lawn and the pickled hobo heads in the fridge, but Lordy, the crap they watch on the telly is fucking poo poo.

Woohoo's father is in charge of the telly and flicks channels at any time. I never go out that much anymore, not since my part in 'the man who stares at goats' ended up on the cutting room floor. Fucking Clooney.. I taught the ugly ghey cunt everything he knows about acting.

Old Knudsen no longer watches the TV because not only does he not want to watch that shite but their leather couch is as comfortable as an instrument of torture. Having something hard pressed up against your arse is no pleasure at all. Who am I fucking kidding huh? nyuk nyuk. They have BBC America but will they watch it? oh no.

It seems their TV is set up only to watch dull Americunt sports, anything to do with prophesied end of times shows on the History channel, Bones, House, NCIS, CSI, Law and Order, Law and Order SVU,  Law and Order big titties, CSI Miami, CSI yer ma and the classic ghey Charlie Sheen sit com Two and a Half ghey men. A few other idiot shows appear but always get turned over half way through unless they feature guns, fried chicken or hoes.

Old Knudsen has walked into the living room at 8am to see Woohoo's dada watching Bones and then to walk in at 8pm and see Bones is still on, what the fuck? And you thought the most boring entertainment was reading this old crock of shite.

I go in and eat fried chicken and grits then leave. I heard the music and dialogue of one show and was positive it was Ally McBeal only to see it was Greys anatomy. On the Law and Order ones you get the duh duh! bleeps every 5 minutes which isn't annoying oh no.

Old Knudsen is sensitive to formula shows and movies. One trick that is used is the two police officers are walking up to a house, suddenly two kids come running out playfully chasing each other followed by a parent shouting at them to be careful or something. It's as if the Jane Doe had his name and address under her finger nails, we hope he doesn't go after the sexy female lead cop only to be shot at the last moment. Fucking Yanks, they wouldn't know suspense if it crept up behind them in the park with its stun gun set to rape. No wait... that would be me.

I guess it saves on the boring standing at the door waiting for an answer and shows it's a normal family and they have to solve the case in an hour including breaks. I am amazed how fast they get their lab results back. My HIV swabs took a fucking age. I guess I should start calling people and telling them they may need to visit their doctor, make a will, and stop fucking each other in the ass. Nah, maybe later, CSI Poughkeepsie has just started and I can already smell the fried chicken.