So Very Very Wrong

Old Knudsen is secure enough about his tiny manhood to let another man suck on his abnormally small cock, usually daily whenever I have enough money.
Some pastor in America (had to be a fucking Americunt of course) said recently that you should put gheys into death camps and let them die out to get rid of them. An example on the lack of critical thinking in modern day religion. It's straight people's fault for having ghey babies ya dumbass! If they die out another batch will take their place. Duh!

A lifestyle choice or an act of nature? who gives a fuck? its here and if we gheys are happy then let us be, don't go projecting yer issues onto us.  Those going on about prayer being a cure for gheyness should prey that their stupidity also gets cured.

Old Knudsen's take on ghey marriage is simple, let us get married, why should gheys not be miserable like everyone else?
In life if it makes people happy and isn't hurting anyone then do it. Life is too short to waste hating and worrying ....... fuck me, I hate worrying, it gives Old Knudsen grey pubic hairs.

If it keeps some right wing bible thumping tea bagger up at nights foaming at the mouth about it being only between a man and a woman then yon tea bagger should stop being so fucking nosy fixating on what gheys are getting up to and either go look up ghey porn online like we all do or get a life.

Old Knudsen's take on sodomy: Good fun fer all the family. Up the bum no babies, any port in a storm.... as Old Knudsen says, "well I came, now go make me some tea."
Old Knudsen's take on ghey couples adopting children: Old Knudsen just looks around his bitter neighborhood of Ballygofuckya , the little 5 year -old fuckers running about the road unsupervised, the half-wit boy allowed to jump on his trampoline well into the wee hours while its cold and wet, the ma slapping the face off her kid and dragging it by the arm along the ground ........... some people just shouldn't be allowed to have children full stop. Mary Jane Lezzer for one.....

Old Knudsen judges you on yer actions, no excuses like yer an alcoholic or you were fiddled with and you have to abuse back. Old Knudsen will kill you for being a cunt not for what you are. You have the choice to be a cunt or not. Old Knudsen may well be a cunt, but he is the best looking cunt ever.

Good parents are hard enough to find and I don't think that children will mind if their parent is ghey or not as long as they are loved and feel secure. They will only mind if some adults have taught them to hate or have taught them that it is wrong. More cough linctus, I'm on a roll here!

Many redneck fathers want their kids to grow up just like them or want to make a man out of them and that involves putting others down or in their supposed place. A father treating his wife like a second class servant or slapping her about instead of treating her as an equal teaches the child to do the same. A father complaining about the niggers and beaners teaches a child to do the same. A father lying and cheating teaches the child to do the same, weemen are also just as responsible with their actions too.

Consenting adults can do what they like. Except phart...  when weemen phart Old Knudsen cringes. Ghey man love can be found in the strangest of places and who is to say (besides Old Knudsen) what is wrong or what is right? Sometimes Old Knudsen cums over a little queer in the butchers looking at all the bones.

Its funny that in the back woods of Eyeland you'll find more overly camp gheys than in America. The muck rakers are a very insecure race and so they still feel the need to make a statement and get in yer face. Fucking Americunts and their friendly fire.....

In America you'll find gheys that are just ghey, no statement to make, no need to shock the breeders. Unless they cum from a small narrow minded mid-west town then they are fucked as the mid-west can be very similar to parts of the UK. Fresno for instance, they took umbrage just because that rather handsome llama backed onto my cock just as my belt snapped and my pecker fell out. Gestapo bastards!

There is still a lot of homophobia in the world as there is a lot of racism, sectarianism, sexism and general bigotry about stuff folks feel threatened by.
The majority of the human race are cunts and Old Knudsen doesn't hate them because they are black ghey Jews, he hates them for getting on like pricks.  Don't get me started on them darkies.....

Old Ginger

Old Knudsen has been to his old military unit reunion in Castlerath today, Ginger, Spotty, Algie and Spiffy were all there (in my own mind) along with my faithful labrador, Nigger.  Rank? yes, about twice a day whether I need it or not, oh you said rank! I’m a full blooded Colonel in the Terrorism Intelligence Taskforce Section, or TITS for short. Current assignment: Yer Ma! (code for classified) but seeing its only you I’ll tell ya.
Old Knudsen has been sent back to ghey old Northern Ireland, because like Fresno, Arkansas and Doncaster there is a rip in the time space continiumiumium in Belfast. The rip means that invasion from other dimensions are likely to occur in these places and units must be in place to defend the world against them.
Old Knudsen AKA Stormbringer AKA  GheyFluffy Cheeks has been sent to head this unit, team designation Harshword. Or was that just to give head? I can never remember with this fucking Olttimers disease.

A team of experts with local ghey knowledge, Steeky, a weapons expert and hetro basher. If ya need top o the line hardware like baseball bats, blades, metal bars or smuggled cigarettes then he is yer man. Mary-Jane, the brains and groundsheet of the operation does the washing and makes the tae and works in the corner shap so we can afford to search every pub and club in Fresno for dangerous aliens and ghey jumpsuits.

Colonel Knudsen, expert in hand to crotch fighting and pretending to be dead in battle, he has a vast knowledge of alien lifeforms and what he doesn’t know he makes up. He once fucked up ET so badly the ugly wee fucker was begging to phone for a taxi to get home.
Outside the government, outside the law, outside yer window taking a crap. When aliens cum who ya gonna call? The Police or Ghostbusters, but you’ll be glad that after they get eaten Old Knudsen freefalls in to shiv those close encunters.

Old Knudsen once made Ming the Merciless smell his own brand. Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer both have nightmares about Old Knudsen. Whenever you hear that ice cream man with yer Teddy bears picnic chiming at full blast outside your window, don’t fuck wthi me cos I can hock up a phlegm ball that can kill at 30 feet and I am deadly. Old Knudsen rules the mean streets of his own warped mind, this is Knudsen City and there's a new cunting sheriff in town.

If you go to a city and then to the outskirts, not even to the more rural banjo bible thumping regions you’ll see that the people in both places are different. City folk are more pushy and nothing will phase them, “They were kicking the poor man to death and I just thought why doesn’t someone stop this ? if I don’t get past I’ll miss my bus.” The townie types would open up a few cans of beer and watch.
The folks in other cuntries are different too. Old Knudsen having a PhD in Americunt studies and the study thereof knows the Yank and pities the Yank, for they are fed fear by the media and ghey hormones by the Obama's darkie government. Don't get me started on the darkies......

The typical Americunt has had all thought of rebelling against the government bred out of them, now they have tea parties and hold up strongly worded signs. Old Knudsen was a part of ‘Project Wuss’ in the early 50′s, we went to the dangerous mountain gorillas and treated their bananas in chemicals until they became less dangerous, now all the great apes do is charge a little, phart loudly and thump their chests, before they would turn yer hed into jam.
Old Knudsen loves a zombie film and the majority are set in America. If Americunts turned into zombies they may lurch towards you looking like they want to eat yer brain but all they would do is give you a good old moaning and bore you rigid.

My Sect Secrets - Old Knudsen

In November of 98 I got mixed up with some very strange peeple. I joined what I thought was a cockfighting ring of retired merchant semen, they were real odd balls, hence me thinking it was a version of the very ghey Masons. It turned out to be something called the Order of Old War Deserters. I don't expect many of you to have heard of it, they are very secret and their location can only be deciphered by watching re-runs of Gilligan and the Professor backwards. I caught the eye of a young man named Ian Paisley who soon went on to call himself the King of Eyeland and took over the moniker of the worlds most razor-slashed man, Jimmie the ugly Bastard, a nasty piece of haggis shit with more tram lines than Belgium. Well it was more of a stage name after his army boxing career that so nearly took off if it hadn't been for the fact that he, like me, is a cowardly cunt.

The Ghey Order was into gray magic, a version of black magic, but no darkies were allowed. Don't get me started on those darkies....... Gray magic enlarges a mans penis and increases the chances of dispatching semenal elementals to kill your enemy. The man-chicks go nuts for that sort of thing, in fact that's where I met my second husband Alfredo. No wait, that was actually my third husband, I get so confused, sometimes I think I have a sign on me forehead that only weemen and the odd ghey can see that says,"use my face for sex", now I'm not complaining, did ya hear me complain? No, just so ya know, after Old Knudsen gets his there's none of that cuddlin shite going on, it's a long stinky phart and I'm straight to sleep and you had better make me a cup of tea before you leave in the morning. Don't think I'm a playa, (I'm not dead yet I can use that word) I consider myself a bit of a romantic, not only will I make sure that the bed sheets were washed that month I always have one of them blue tablets to drop into the toilet's water tank to turn the water blue, I know what other ghey men like, anyway why the fuck am I giving away my secrets of seduction?

Back to what I was almost talking about, Paisley was a junkie arsehole, no wonder he saw Spirits and Demons with the amount of drugs he took, me on the other hand am the real thing my Spirit guide on the other side, Chief Eagle Droppings, told me to stop banging Paisley's wife or get "fuckin kneecapped". My other Spirit guide, Chief Hom Osexual,  told me to give him a last seeing to as the poor dude would miss me. I'm a sucker for a sob story, as well as a well hung cock, but my other Spirit guide, Chief Brown Eye, said " thankyou for taking the time to visit my astral plane and taking a shit on my porcelain" the fucker, don't you just hate it when they say that?

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing ... so you lot should be on fcuking camels following a star.
You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him..... Everyone says Old Knudsen is so funny and lovely, he thinks you lot are cunts..... not sure if that says anything about Old Knudsen other than being a good judge of character.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, anymore than standing in yer garage makes you a Volkswagon.... Old Knudsen made a sandwich once, yer Ma was the meat.

Pay no mind to those who talk behind your back because that simply means you’re two steps ahead..... Ka - Chow! 

Ok the skeptical cunts amongst you will say its all coincidence, statistics show that every 23 minutes a Canadian will do an Intershed search for ghey or bisexual dirty words, so if you are a durty old seal clubber that gets your jollies off by ogling porn, the chances are you'll get a hit from a dumbass (why are they such dirty shites?) well ok, my clever use of  Ontario Rimjob in one of my titles did catch someone. :::Waves at the lezzer.:::

Just so you know, I accepted Jesus as my personal trainer so no more late night sex magick rites followed by a sacrifice and a barbeque, oh no,at 10 pm its a cup of Bovril followed by 12 beers then its off to bed for me until I wake up in a pool of piss or vomit (sometimes both) then I get up and have a good blog to clear my system.

Two Queens Go To War

Having sworn an oath to protect her Majesty and her heirs and successors I just want you to know what she means to me. Very fucking little. We met once in a darkened doorway in 1943 during an air raid. I was scouting for bodies to rob, she had just split from the Irish hero Martin McGuinness. I thought at first she was a he, yer normal ghey auxiliary driver just trying to stay alive and find some hard cock like I was. I used all my best lines on her as the Doodlebugs exploded nearby saying how we should embrace this moment in passion as it may be our last, she said her heart belonged to some Greek murderer fella named Phil. I said I wasn't interested in her heart just a go at molesting her sons smooth buttocks. She smiled at my mannish ghey roughness and was violently sick in that dark doorway. I have that effect on weemen. We both exploded with far more intensity than any of the bombs and as we stood there spent and panting, we heard the all clear signal and giggled at the timing.

We apologised to the other drunks who were also sheltering in the doorway and we parted, not knowing our fates would be intertwined from that moment onwards. She would become THE Queen of England, I would become THE Queen of Scallyfornia, Northern Ireland, and Scotland. Although in Scotland they didn't so much heil me, more just hate me for being the bunny eyed queer that I am.