Before Old Knudsen came out he used to molest young weemen in the park or at the mall. Old Knudsen was never keen on getting a stinky finger, but titty titty fun-bags could be a lot of fun if handled correctly.The basic rule to molesting young weemen is........ Anymore than a mouthful is a waste ! that rule is for amateurs that know not what they are doing.
Old Knudsen molests, but never wastes...........
You can do the pencil test if you want to, remember you do not have to have a rubber on the end of yer pencil for this but for smaller barely ripened melons you may need to plump and squeeze. Don't waste your time on lesbians, weemen over 30 or yer Ma. These 3 examples will already have gone south for the winter.
To know if they are fresh or ripe don't not be afraid to give them a good old rap with yer knuckles.
If you hear a hollow thud merely wait for the rigormortis to pass in say 24 -48 hours, it will go in the same order it came.
If you do not hear a sound except for the exclamation of pain then yer melons are conscious and ready to taste. Unconscious melons are just as good.
Melons that gravity has made go to the ground are still usable do not let the odd wrinkle or dis- colouration put you off, just be sure you have washed them before you sink yer teeth into them.
You need to study yer melons first, it is not socially acceptable to squeeze whatever ones you want without buying them. No one wants second hand bruised melons with bite marks in them, apart from me of course....... I do love inflicting pain.
Most of all enjoy for that is the reason your Ghod made them.
Old Knudsen's next post in which he explains will be on the ins and outs of Italian and Polish sausage. Listed will be the various diseases that can be caught from sitting on each.
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Go ahead... shat on me again.