|Would you like to go large?|
You should all know by now that I'm a Ghey Lord, no wait.... a Time Lord. I can travel through time, space and open boggy fields at the speed of very fast. You should all know from watching TV , films and reading books that you can't change time or you fuck it up in some horrible way and the Time Lords will send the mud raker monsters after you if you do, also that its a good plot device. Well if I could go back and give myself a message, advice or warning what would it be?
When Ugga brings me his wheel design and offers to bring me in as a partner don't laugh in his face, say "yes."
Pull out before I cum when having sex with Jimmy the prison rat Neanderthal to avoid creating the Scots.
Do not invest heavily in Bronze just as the Iron age hits.
Don't holiday in ghey Pompei in 79 AD
Don't give Columbus yer best guess on which way to go because just look how that fucker turned out.
When Alexander Graham Bell tells me about the telephone at a dinner party, don't laugh and call him a cunt saying "will there be wireless phones that can take pictures too?" Invest!
Don't marvel at the Titanic's speed heading towards an iceberg and wonder if the look out has seen it, shout something. That was a swim and a half I can tell you.
Take credit for fighting Hitler to the death and tell the world he was a Gorbesh Demon who go up in flames when you kill them, the world has to know.
Send Britney an e-mail reminding her to wear a pair of gunties when getting out of cars, as gurlies pink bits are so nasty.
Wear condoms when I shag Salma Hayek and Halle Berry and don't let Tom Cruise talk me into giving him a sperm sample that has to be pulled off by him in a quiet room, I'm not sure what he used it for.
Study harder at school so that I don't end up at the age of 40 still flipping burgers for some clown that sounds like his pa may have been Scottish.