From Russia With Love
I was trolling the blogs today wearing nothing but my boyfriend Juan's new leather g string and nothing else but an old mans smile and you know what? There is the biggest pile of shite out there complete with their yes men to comment. Fag hags and hacks, Canadian bloggers are the worst, thank fuck for Facebook and its attraction for weirdos.
When someone has B.O. you tell them they fucking stink right? So when someone is a dry shite and the only funny bone they have is when their boyfriend shoves one into their arse then you should tell them right ? Yes I know I'm setting myself up to be told I'm not funny, don't be silly, I may have the odd miss but every day? They love me in Russia, perhaps a little too much by the amount of comments and proposals of love I dare not publish. Barnyard sex is something I grew out of in my 40's. I still grace the odd sheep with my male muskiness, but cattle make such a mess of the sheets.
Anyway I must be funny as so many have started to copy me. Who the fuck is this wee Bitterballs kid and why does he track my progress before he blogs? What? You think I don't know you're watching me gingernuts? If only you knew who you actually confide in.... nyuk nyuk.
Notice the odd older established blogger posting titty pictures and being more daring? Ok they can't really do it but bless their tiny brown willys, or others pretending to be as interesting as old Knudsen and think they call themselves some kind of lord people will want to know? Been there twat, I'm a ghey time lord, I get around faster than the clap.
Some hints and tips.
If yer southern English don't try humour.
The aristocracy are not interesting.
Write what you know, in fact I told my old mate Ernie Hemingway that one.
Stop thinking about how yer going to make money blogging all the time and just blog.
In my opinion the Irish make the best bloggers but can hold themselves back, of course me being a mongrel and not a full bloodied Bog trotter is the exception to that rule as I have to be the best ghey blogger in the world, well do you lot get spammed as much as me? Elvis, John Lennon, Lincoln and JFK didn't get shot because they were mediocre, others were threatened by their greatness.
Me by my gheyness it would seem.
There wasn't anything like me in the Blogosphere when I arrived, but there will be when I'm gone so I'm going to invent all the aristocratic and anthropomorphized characters I can think off so those who "hate but emulate" will owe me big time. It's not like those soft living over educated cunts have ever been to sea, war or work, so me working class characters are safe. No wait...... I haven't been to those places either, unless of course you count the 2 days I spent throwing up on a crab boat in the north sea.
JK Rowling, the hack that wrote the Harry Potter books was answering questions from the audience at Carnegie Hall, New York and when one of the audience members said that her books were so ghey she said, "funny you should mention that because Albus Dumbledore, master wizard and Headmaster of Hogwarts is a wand stroking flaming homo." I never had the balls to ask another question all night.
Everyone was stunned except the gheys as we think that everyone is ghey anyway.
Well it explains why Harry was made "head boy" and got such good grades, stay tuned for Daniel Radcliffe cumming out of the closet in years to cum, its so obvious, and no I'm not all ghey.......... well maybe just a little bit. And trust me, thing between my legs is just a little bit. Still, the kids in the park seem to enjoy me waving it around in the breeze.