Old Knudsen sometimes feels he not getting some of the desperately needed sexual attention he craves in order to keep him a half decent human being. My father never hugged me as a child, plenty of the old ghey men around the village did, but then that was all there was to do up in the remoteness of a retarded Scottish fishing village, apart from back scuttling your cousin of course.
A new bill was passed in America on Friday that requires people like me, registered sex offenders, to note their criminal status on all of their social network accounts like Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.
So not too many people from Louisiana on FB now. Not many people from America on the Interwebs full stop. To quote a local, "We don't do the Internet too good."
All those redneck states are eerily similar in attitude to Northern Ireland. Old Knudsen is the exception but most people over 50 there can't work a computer. Old Knudsen likes to give the impression that he is a ghod-fearing protestant from Norn Irn, but in fact he is a ginger mongrel retard from the backwoods of some nonentity Scottish hamlet across there in Haggisville. Old Knudsen doesn't work since he was deported by those Americunts.
I laugh when an old person asks a young firm but orange shop assistant if they have something and as they don't stock it she suggests 'the Internet.' So fucking helpful. When you order sex toys off Amazon where do you send the cheque (check) or postal order (money order) too?
Old Knudsen hopes this doesn't catch on as its hard enough for him to allay suspicions of young firm gurls he wants to abuse on Facebook. Old Knudsen only wants to be yer friend and maybe some nite you'd like to stop by his house to see his criminally insane sketches. Old Knudsen loves to sketch trees, kittens, crab boat crime scenes, you know nice stuff. His living room may look like a ghey torture sex dungeon.... no, really.
Oh and don't tell anyone where you are going. I can print my home address on here if you cannot find me.... no, really.
Old Knudsen is on Twitter but doesn't have a mobile phone, well not one from this decade and hes on LinkedIn but kinda forgot his password.
I always use anal123 but then I changed it to out fox the spam bots, seems I was too clever for myself. Old Knudsen is a genius with electronic equipment. It only took him 5 days to grease the ankle bracelet enough for him to be able to frequent the bushes in the local park.
If this idea does catch on you may see Old Knudsen's status going from in a relationship to expecting restraining order.
Those who violate the new law face up to 20 years prison time with hard labour, without parole and along with fines of up to $3,000.
Old Knudsen cannot help it if he offends both animals and humans on a regular basis.