Old Knudsen got out of bed this morning to find not only the usual pool of vomit, empty syringe, underage boys and a half drunk glass of cough linctus strewn across the cellar floor, but also a whole lot of emails complimenting him on his last post about Knudders and Sly.
Name dropping and bragging is ghey, but anyway, I've long worked with Sly on the Rocky series. In many interviews over the years he has mentioned how my boxing career was the inspiration for him though it never stopped him from changing things to suit his films.
Old Knudsen is courage on a stick. "Fuck with the Hornivore you get the ghey bull" is something that he might say, he loses many friends with his blunt way of speaking and the fact he is a cunt, but he is the most interesting man he has ever met.
I was a young naive effeminate boy growing up in Hells Kitchen, "You fucking donkey" was what the head chef ogre used to shout at me in an Edinburgh accent which as we all know is the soft ghey Scottish accent invented by Sir Walter Scott for the tourists. I'd go into the freezer and punch the frozen meat in frustration and after 47 years I had a right hook and upper cleft lip to be proud of. Sorry about the boxing terms, I'll try to keep it simple for the Canadians who are having this read to them.
I got into underground prize fights which were held in the subterranean home of the mud men who I usually turned to dust in the second round. I got the attention of promoters and beautiful ghey men, one such beauty was a Nubian mattress monster named Adrian. I was upset that Sly made Adrian into a homely white gurl in the movie, but what could you do he had long since bought the rights to my story.
In all of the 36 Rocky films, not once did I see the stigmata scene which to my mind was very important because I then went on to form a cult. Fighting under the alter ego of Stony Knudsen, I got the snot beat out of me until my trainer Mickey played some trumpet music which kicked in my post hypnotic suggestion that I was hetrosexual at last and I made a come back winning the fight.
Mickey used to bet on me a lot and he'd say things like "You're gonna eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder!" and " You're a bum, Knudsen. You're a bum." Looking back it seems like a very abusive relationship that scarred me deep and made me insecure about my bum.
Stony Knudsen was the heavyweight champion of the world twice. Not this world, but it still counts in cloud cuckoo land in which I spend a lot of my time. Micky died, Adrian died and several homeless people went missing but I have my memories. Sometimes I'll strap on me gloves and have a fight because thats what fighters do, they fight. I never tell people I'm going to fight them, I jump out of doorways in the street and BLAM! It's always a rush to see the the shock on a young mother's face as she gets flattened by the famous Stony Knudsens left hook, something to tell her friends and the police about.