It's never much fun sitting in jail waiting to go to trial based on bestiality charges, especially as not every inmate is amused at me picking my ass and making interesting Muppet shaped characters out of whatever I find up there. Last night I made both Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch out of just the shit that collected under my thumb nail. They will each shortly be on sale for $8.99 plus tax. This week I would like to reach out to the Mayor of Norn Irn, to appeal to his artistic side and awaken a sense of patriotic duty within him. I'd like to be able to entertain other prisoners as I make my way around Ireland as I get arrested for many of my usual sex crimes. Maybe I could do my own version of the Rorschach test, but with a twist. Instead of inkblots we could examine the semen and feces stains in the back of my shorts. Admittedly they started life with a differnt owner, a Canadian lesbian (now aged and still single) but her long pubic hairs of which I have retained in the crotch area only enhance the wonderful animal shapes (especially the hairy-legged ones) and will happily entertain those long months spent in solitary confinement.
The last time I tried to entertain folk it kinda backfired. Never grow a full face beard! 1, It scares the kids away from the puppies you are holding in the bushes and 2, dried jizz can leave a musty smell of which often gets you refused entry to dinner parties (but not the lesbian variety) with friends. I'll let you know how it ends, if of course they allow me access to a pencil again. The last three are still stuck up my ass.