My Best Seller - N.D Knudsen
The other week after I returned fron dreary Canada where I caught the Flu, you should have seen the greeners I was coughing up, they could have fed an African village for at least a week on the contents of my nose, but don't get me started on the darkies......
I wasn't a lazy mofo sitting around in ghey Toronto, oh no I wrote 2 more children's books 'Obscene and not heard' and 'Do as I say not as I diddle', my third book ' Of course Mommy won't find out' is still in the works.
I continued to spew out my poison on this blog causing 2 of my readers to question their existence and delete their blogs (you didn't even notice in the links did you?) the break up of 1 of my reader's marriage, (she wasn't right for you anyway MJ) and I got Manuel to call me a "cunty old fucker" in a private e-mail when I called Dr Seuss a quack and compared him to Dr Joseph Goebbels, inventer of the 6 minute abs and head of the Nazi propaganda organization. It was the whole Hitler in the hat speech that did it for me.
I launched my own aftershave, 'Odour de Oldman' I came up with the idea when I passed 2 hot older weemen with those sexy blue rinse hair dos and got a whiff of their overwhelming old lady perfume. That's good stuff alright, its the hint of piss that has the effect on the male libido, I'm getting horny just thinking about it.
Now we men are no longer the victims of lust we now have control , we can take the role of the sexual predator at last, speaking of which I made it to the top 10 of our local sex offender's list. If old Knudsen isn't offensive to all the sexes then you can have your money back.
The cruel and unusual death threats that came from Manuel were quite impressive, I rescind everything I said, just don't do that thing with the red hot pliers ok? it was just a wee joke, heh heh.
Honestly, just because you forget once to tip a queer waiter they want to kill every fucking other ghey man around them.
I also clipped my toenails, having only one foot really cuts the time in half and while I'm on the subject why do I have to buy a pair of slippers? the foot on my wooden leg doesn't get cold, I've tried to buy one slipper at half the price but they won't let me, fucking footwear nazis If there are any lawyers reading, that feel the legal system hasn't been abused enough, contact me and we'll file a lawsuit. It beats chasing ambulances.
I did all of that in a week as well as release my new book pictured above, so pull yer finger out and learn from the protestant work ethic, multitask the rest of you lazy fuckers, on the way to the store throw the odd half brick through the window of a suspected Catholic, Muslim, Slav or local MP, does it really matter if you get the right house or not? its the hate crime that counts, now get busy you cunts.