Old Knudsen - Special Farces

I don't like to brag as you all know. Apart from the fact that my peeny is bent like a boomerang and has the entire NFL teams tattooed in Russian on it. I did however serve with the Yanks while I was in special farces. I can't tell you too much about it or I'd have to keel you or roll you in butter. I already have a list of Bloggers that I'm gonna have to thin out for various reasons. I can't give names for royal security reasons, look at Diana for fcuk sake, all because she pointed the finger at the old Greek dude over Buckingham way. However, if there are any hetero commie anti-animal abusers out there beware. I have a fishing rod and will travel. Only not back to the USA as they threw me out last time for being a subway groper. It was only 1 goat for crying out loud. I would have eaten it afterwards.

I have indeed sculptured the world in my own humble way, and Yanks make up yer fucking minds, first you want General Noriega, and then you don't. I don't get paid extra for this you know, it comes out of my pocket. That Bushy man is forever e-mailing trying to get me to keel heads of state that bug him, like the other day he said that Mahmoud Ahmaddinejad called me a kiddie diddler and was going to have a conference about it, well I saw red. I got me ghey cammo paint on my face and my keeling cap on and while I was putting me piano wire up my sleeve it occurred to me that maybe Bushy was lying. So I e-mailed a few of my middle east contacts and googled for a bit and no, just like that time when Bushy told me that Kim Jong III said that my red bunny eyes were too close together and that I must be a Catholic. That fucker is so lucky to be alive right now, that Castro cunt will be going after my hols as I know he did call me a sweaty ball licker and that's after I helped defend his island during the bay of pigs fiasco. What's that? You thought he was already taken out? Naw, don't believe the spin, just ask Elvis and Bruce Lee, or Arthur Figworthy and Maurice Cohen as they are now known down in Miami.

Have you ever put on ghey cammo paint? clogs yer pores big time and it makes you sweat like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs .
Well to get back to the point I have learned a few things about the American flag, old Glory as we in the know call it.
It has to be raised at dawn and lowered at sunset, it can only stay out at night if it has a light on it and must not be raised during bad weather.
When the American flag passes you, Yanks must salute or stand to attention, those Yanks salute all the time, hat on hat off. Citizens take off their hats and hold it over their hearts with their right hands, or if without a hat they just hold their hands over their heart.

We Olster soldiers only salute it if we are wearing our army head dress otherwise we stand to attention, just a wee bit of info fer you.
Remember after 9/11 the Americans all went uber patriotic for 3 weeks and all the Pakies and the Sikhs got beat up because Yanks don't do international and don't know any better and flag sales increased? Well tackiness and ignorance showed big time, we have the same problem in Eyeland, idiots wear the flag as clothes and say they are being patriotic, that twat Kid Rock cut a hole in a flag and wore it as a poncho on stage.

If you cast contempt over Old Glory, deface, defile, burn or trample it you'll get a fine of 1,000 dollars or imprisoned for a year, or both. Yeah, land of the free my arse, it conflicts with free speech somewhat but that whole country conflicts with itself.
Do not let the flag trail on the ground or in water, don't place an emblem on or above it, don't use it for decoration, use bunting, do not use it as a costume or athletic uniform . Ok, have you got all of that? There are ways to hang it long ways but I won't get into that.
Now I'm not going to make fun of 9/11 or Firefighters as the former is a terrible thing to happen and the later are brave enough to risk their lives for strangers and cats in trees and should be applauded. Old Knudsens husband is a firefighter in Fresno, and he is very brave. However, this image of the flag in a recreation of the Iwa Jima picture always makes me laugh, there is always some bloke supervising doing fuck all except to give handy unhelpful advice. The beer bellied guy on the left is that man," no pull that rope, no push it, put some effort into it ".

Us British types have the day/month/year when we give a date, yes it does make more sense than the American version but 11/9 doesn't sound that good.
I'm no longer American, no really, but I don't see anything wrong with the way this flag is being flown, I would serve under this. Someone should tell that Palin chickie that horizontal stripes makes her twat look fat.

I was just thinking the other day while I was cleaning vomit off the bathroom walls. Remember when at the end of the TV viewing day, the national anthem would play we'd get images of the Union flag and the Queen in her carriage ? Well that's a bygone time, TV doesn't end anymore, the young uns today won't remember TV ending ever, for them there is always TV on some channel, we only had 3 channels then now we've gone all American with 30 and above being the average number of channels. It's a little disturbing, we didn't have 24 hour petrol stations, grocery stores or fast foods restaurants, and Sundays were like a deserted no man's land with nothing open. Especially in ghey Olster.

What will be next? 24 hour daylight? giant flood lights in the sky acting as second suns, and sleep will be something yer grandparents did that you don't have any time for because you've got too much to do, I must play the latest video game while doing my shopping and talking on my brains free phone. The family want some quality time together, I'd better send them an e-card, why does life have to be so fast? What will the autobiographies be like then? Maybe a collection of text messages about how service people aren't snapping to it when you enter their shop, because with all this technology hanging from yer nipples and stuck in yer ear and in yer head you must be a very important person.

I thought I was full of hate and self loathing but no, those people who cram every unimportant detail at twice the speed into their lives really really hate themselves, then when they get ghey and old they'll stop and say, "hey when did I get old?" and they will fear death that is approaching at an alarming rate because they never gave a second thought to anything but what they can get at high speed to fill some imagined void in their life. Faster, bigger, fully loaded and newer, that is what is valued now to make you a person of worth. Integrity, abnormal sex and passion has been replaced by gadgets that will put an end to you ever having to lower yourself to do something for yer self, a super techno class of people who think they are better than the rest, A Brave New World.

This latest scheduled post has been brought to you by hands that masturbate safely and securely from the hidden location of my special ghey farces bunker above the coal merchants here in Bogtrotterville.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Go ahead... shat on me again.