Younger Knudsen - The Weemen Years
I've recently read some blogs that had the non lesbian female Bloggers in dating situations and I've fought the urge to be all parental where these gurls are concerned as I know what wankers a lot of men (not me) can be. I just want to sit them on my lap as I stroke their hair and discuss how the only thing men want is their dirty pillows and their va va, then I'd like to run them a bath and scrub their backs while humming the Eskimo song of grieving, then pop a porno movie onto the telly and have a game of twister.
Anyway I feel the need to talk to these potential suitors while I polish my shotgun, "hands to yerself, keep it zipped, yer best behaviour and back by ten, am I understood?" :::pulls back shotgun hammer::::::
I thought I would unleash myself onto the dating world to see what the straight wurld is all about, so I signed up for UKdating.com to see what I would get.
I entered all my info and kept getting paired up with old weemen, for fuck sake, if I wanted a woman of my own age I'd go to the cemetery, dig one up and jump her bones, I like it when they lie still and give off that pungent stench of rotting flesh.
So, I had to get creative and knock a few years of my age, well a few decades more like, ok ya bastards more than a few. I put my profession as a US Marine/ Russian sniper, whose hobbies are saving little darkie orphans (cute ones without the flies only) sailing my yacht around the Caribbean, staying at my summer villa in Tuscany , painting , poetry, tantrum sex and foot massages.
It was a pretty in depth questionnaire so I made sure I added a few extra inches on to my size, I mean my height.
I put up a picture of my younger years which included my best sweater and a doggie, weemen are suckers for pets, and of course some artwork to make me look deeper than the actual shallow ginger fucker that I am..
I know some past remarkable cunt will nit pick at my stunning gingery / red bunny-eyed good looks , fucking haters, I so relate to Brad and George always someone jealous of yer beauty.
I think if I told people I was a centuries old one legged zombie sorcerer whose hobby is tormenting others and likes it up my back pussy, I don't think I'd get much action .
I got a lot of female interest as you would expect, a couple of real mingers who I shall keep on the back burner in case the others don't work out, (Mary Jane you might get your very first date after all)
I got one Leonard Cohen fan, yeah probably all artsy fartsy and into the South Bank show, and I got one that's into Tofu and foreign films. All the pretentious shites got ignored so I ended up going to dinner with a 32 year old single mother , a sure thing you'd think right? as she has a kid and all , not sure about that line of logic but all my ghey mates say so.
She was attractive but very unresponsive to my charm,she keep going on about how much older I looked in real life and did I ever take my hat off? and why did I have such a sour expression on my face? Cheeky cunt.
She got all snooty when I took her to KFC and made her pay for her own, theres playing hard to get and then theres cheap, but you should have seen the titties on her, I pretty much didn't make eye contact all night, weemen love that, it shows you appreciate their tits.
Half way through the meal and a pleasant conversation about levelling the Middle east and turning all the Sandniggas into slaves my tummy started to bubble. It didn't smell that bad, I mean I could of done worse as it didn't touch cloth nor did the turtle pop it's head out. I did say excuse me, it must have been the herbs and the spices. I got up and told her I was going to the crapper, its funny but it looked like KFC gravy when it came out, if only I had a camera phone so I could post a picture.
When I got back to my table my lady love wasn't there. I waited 2 hours then got a KFC flump'a'lump to check the ladies toilets, nope no sign of her, very strange, must of had a family emergency, quite rude of her not to tell me. I can't stand rudeness, so I finished the food she had left, well what I hadn't already ate the first hour of waiting and I went home tired with my old knutsack still full, and to think I washed my stinky bits for this.
I'll wait until she comes crawling before I give her a second date, maybe its time to e-mail the mingers. Here we go.. firstname.lastname@example.org Wish me luck!