No Nonsense Knudsen

Listen up motherfuckers, Old Knudsen gets asked a stupid amount of email questions every day, it seems when yer a public figure like me people take liberties and think you belong to them. Old Knudsen hasn't belonged to anyone since he was a rent boy gladiator slave to the Fresno emperor pimp Maximus Penetratious. I hope to answer some of the more repetitive ones to shut you inquisitive fockers up.

Silver bullets do not hurt me, let alone kill me. I just shite those things out like a cheap Vegas slot machine. Even though my bunny eyes are permanently red raw like a rabid vampire sunlight does burn my skin, but has been known to make my wrinkled balls sweat. I can drink holy water but only in its frozen state and when mixed with alcohol or I get angry and turn green and my pants turn purple ......... not a good look for an angry cunt like me.

In my various lines of work I have had to kill people but I don't want to talk about it as its something I'm not proud about. No wait, I did a  slanty-eyed dude in Laos from a thousand yards. It was a rifle shot in high wind, and that was just what came out of my ass. Maybe eight or even ten guys in the world could have made that shot. I was pretty proud of that one, 2,080 on a rough body count and thats not including playing Mafia Wars, then there are the ones that you think are dead but don't want to chance it so you drill em again on yer way past and do ethnics count? They didn't back in the day, just like the Irish in 2012,  but laws change and I cannae keep up , well like I said I don't want to talk about it. in case my Maw or the FBI is listening.

I am not afraid of Meercats, their big judging bug eyes make me uncomfortable not scared, besides, I can shit myself at the drop of a hat, nothing at all to do with being scared!

The man who tells you he has no fear is either lying, George Bush, or hes Old Knudsen. I laugh in the face of danger and fart behind the back of Doom, although I have been known to vomit at the merest whiff of a stinky lady-hole.

There is nothing wrong with being ghey but I'm not a poof. Prison, the military, being a zoo keeper, long sea voyages, gurly boys and drunken mistakes can in no way be included to form any assumption about me. Before you say it I'm not in denial, NO NO NO!

I can start an argument in an empty room and I despise it when people agree with my opinion even though that is the correct thing to do, ach I'm a complex cont in a cuntplex wurld.

Brad and Jennifer Anuston were already separated when my name was dragged into the whole thing and Brad and I are just good friends. I have on occasion drove him home and we have understood each other many times but only in a rough but man friendly way.

Your God does exist as I've met him, a total prick I must add so I usually hang out with all the false Gods instead, except for that Ian Paisley bastid, but at least he don't rape young gurls then let their child get tortured to death. Talk about control issues, I tell him control is an illusion but he's a thick oirish bastid.

The reason why my DNA is found at many crime scenes is that the Devil plants it there along with my shitty stained shorts and a dozen used kleenex.

I do hate everyone who is ethnic or non ghey, that is true though I have warmed up to some. But not that cunt Mago of course, Won't save him during the great cull when the mothership gets here but I'll make it fast and use a blunt object.

I do not and will not walk the line nor cross the line. The line is simply not there unless you count the odd line I do from between the buttocks of an under age cabin boy. Ahoy matey, time to drop my meat anchor in your poo bay.

Painful 4 hour long erections happen to Old Knudsen every three weeks or so. I'm not complaining, in fact its good to see movement at the old battle stations. Hard cock doesn't always do it for me on a cold day. My thanks to that clever prick who invented viagra.

There is so much blood in my stools I sell them to vampires as lunchables. I have nearly made enough to retire to Cuba with Gary Glitter.

I really do bottle the smell of lady gas. MJ got me into it and it sells for $39.00 on ebay. Go on, tell me you haven't ever sniffed your own butt.

Yes I am really an old gay man, in fact my birth certificate was done by the same guy who did the 15 commandments, oh you fuckers only know 10? well that explains why Christianity has been getting it so fucking wrong all these years.

World leaders do ask my opinion but they never listen, take old Kennedy for instance. Don't go to Dallas I said..... It won't agree with you!

I did beat up Captain America and his army mutant minute men when they wouldn't let me go south to sell the guns I had recently bought at an Orange county gun show . He lay crying and bleeding as I declared, "Commerce is the American way ya commie cont" its bad when a foreigner such as I has to re-teach Americans their own values.

Old Knudsen may be old but he does like to stay in shape in fact he has the body of a 20 year- old which reminds me, gotta go its time for my naked swim at the beach.